2002-04-07
8:29 p.m.

So, I survived the rest of this week without very many other horrible things. In the year I have worked at the clinic, I have never thought about quitting, but this last week I did. I thought about it long, and hard. It wasn't so much that I was unhappy with what I was doing, because, as you can tell from this diary, I love what I do. It was more that I was watching what was being done to other people, and it bothered me..a lot. The two faced, snide comments, said behind each others backs really bothered me.

When I first went to work at the clinic, I was amazed at how close knit the place was, but latley, that relationship is gone. Kathy, once my favorite person there has become someone I resint. No because of how she treats me, which does bother me, but because of how she treats others. Everyone thinks that I am so clueless, the quiet girl silently mopping up a spill. I hear the mean comments though, the untruths aimed to hurt someone else. Many of the employees there see my silent complacentness as an open invitation to talk to me, to relate their problems. I am trustworthy, and they know it, but when the things they tell me, or even say in front of me to someone else, are not true, or are just downright mean, I can't hold my silence.

Kathy has been telling the doctors that Leslie does nothing all day while she is there. It as even been mentioned, that because Leslie and I are friends, I don't do much while I am there. Bull crap. It angers me when I have put my heart and soul into something, only to have that dedication questioned. Boss Man only hears Kathy's story, as does Dr. C, so, instead of looking for themselves, they foolishly believe a person who was once a friend, truthful and honest. I kept trying to give Kathy another chance, believing she would come back to her old self, but this weekend, I stopped. She came up to me, and began to blatently complain about Dr. C, the woman who is supposed to be one of her best friends. They weren't just 'she's grumpy today' type comments, but mean, disrespectful comments.

Then, she talks down to me so much, that I physically cringe when I hear her voice. I know how to put a fucking leash on a dog thank you very much, I don't need a ten minute explanation. I actually had to go back into the kenel and calm down, or else I fear I would have either busted into tears of frustration, or said something to Kathy that I wouldn't mean.

Dr. C and I are back on speaking terms. When I went to work on Wednesday, after our little fight I refused to speak to her. Normally, when I see her, I always ask how her days was, other pleasantries like that. Wednesday, I looked her in the eye, turned, and walked back into the kennel. I did my job, I left, not a word was spoken. She knew I was mad. Thursday, she talked to me, telling me some funny story, her way of apologizing, and I talked back, my way of accepting. She was nice to me the rest of the time, even a little humble. I think she knows she was in the wrong. I think Dr. Fuller may have even talked to her, after word got out that I had left crying.

Later that day, I went out to eat with Ellyn, Leslie, and Kristi, and we had, what we call, our weekly bitch fest, were we complain about work, feel better, and are able to face the next day with a smile. It was nice, and I was able to relax, and feel a little better about everything.

Friday, I went over to Leslie's after work, and drank some White Russians, which made me feel much much better. Drinking is not a way to forget your problems, just a way to relax before you sort through them. Saturday was spent all day with Kathy, which made me leave in complete frustration, my knuckles were white on the stearing wheel the whole way home. Something has got to give, or I fear, my thoughts of quitting may become more. I am going to hold off on that as long as possible however, because, I do love the clinic.

Today was good, I spent a minimal amount of time at the clinic. Dr. C was there, and seems to be back to herself. So, I guess the week from hell is over.

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