2001-06-26
2:00a.m. (what I am doing up thi

I was watching a yo-yo today, watching as it went down, reaching the end of it's rope, only to spring back up into my waiting hands. Suddenly I saw my life in that spinning ball. I get thrown down, but when I reach the end of that rope, that point where I just don't think I can take it any more, I come back up. I go back at life, full steam ahead. Sure, sometimes I may stall at the bottom, and need a little help rising again, but I always come through. So, my life is like a yo-yo, and I am satisfied with that, because I know that I will never get stuck at the bottom, and there is always a warm hand waiting for me at the top.

I still find myself forgetting who I am, objectifying myself. I am not 'a lesbian' as I find myself thinking, I am what I am, and that is me. I'm tired of having to fight with myself over the issue, I hate that I live in a world where I have to. I hate having to lable myself for being attracted to someone, for loving someone. As I told Shane today, I just want to take life as it comes. I want to love someone without feeling like I have to fight the world for it.

Am I really that different because I love someone of the same sex? Why can I not marry the person I love? Why can I not get up in front of my friends, family, and God, and tell the world that I am devoting my life to a person? How can people protest that, how can they make true, and honest love seem wrong. I'm in my fighting spirit, because I have just finished watching a marathon of gay movies. Jake came over tonight, so I stayed up watching movies with him. As I watched one movie, called Common Ground, I was just amazed at some people's thoughts. How completely harsh, and just plain mean they could be. How someone could cause bodily harm to another person because of who they loved. I will never understand hate like that. I will never understand how hate could come out of love.

I kind of quit talking about Jenn in here, I don't really know why, I guess because she reads my diary, and I was trying to give her time. I just felt the need to..publically state, I guess, that I still love her as much as I ever did, and that I haven't given up on us. For some reason, I've just wanted to tell the world that today. I want to grab everyone I see, and tell them. Maybe I am finally going crazy..

Well, I really have to go to bed, because I am going to be on my feet all day tomorrow at the vets, but I just had to churn out an entry tonight.



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