2001-04-18
12:13 a.m.

I guess I wasn't the only one offended by the article, I think that man has his own diaryland hit squad after him now. ;)

Well, I had a therapy appointment today. When I quit therapy, almost a year ago, I didn't think I would have to go back, but recent events, as well as past ones resurfacing, have pushed me back into it. I was kind of fearing today's appointment, mainly because I was afraid I would get the same rejection that I have been getting to those I tell in my real life of my sexuality. I was so sure she would say that I needed to wait until I am older to decide, and to give Jenn's parents time. I was positive those two phrases would come up. Boy was I wrong.

My dad decided to be fatherly today, and take me to the therapy appointment. I thought the therapist, Tammy, would talk to me alone first, but she didn't. She brought my dad right on back, and then asked me what was going on. Heh, I looked over at my dad, and get kind of nervous. The big thing I had wanted to talk about was my sexuality, and there was no way I was mentioning it in front of him, because he doesn't know, and if I have my way, he will never know. So, I tell Tammy about my step-father being verbally abusive. My dad puts on this whole shocked face 'He was verbally abusive?' This kind of made me mad, because during my mom and George's whole marriage, I would practically live over at my dad's house, avoiding home at all costs. I would tell my dad all about things that happened with George, but here comes my dad's big downfall, he never really listens.

After that, we talked about a few more mundane things, and then she finally kicked my dad out of the room. As soon as he got out the door, I looked at her and go, there is one more tiny little thing that I wanted to mention, but not with him in the room. She gives me a go ahead look, and I go 'I think I might be bisexual or lesbian.' Heh, I think then she realized why I really needed therapy.

So, she asked me about my feelings, and my relationships, and stuff like that. I kept waiting for her to tell me to wait until I was older, but she never did. So, then I told her about the conversations I had had with my mom, and I bring up the waiting until I was older thing. Tammy starts shaking her head, she's like, when you know, you know. Makes me wonder if maybe she is lesbian..hmm. Then, I told Tammy about the situation with Jenn, and she starts mumbling about how stupid it is and stuff like that. I actually found myself defending them, claiming that I really did like them, and they were just trying to do what was best for Jenn. It was still nice to have someone rooting for me so strongly. I mean, don't get my wrong, the support all of you who have been e-mailing me, and signing my guesbook is wonderful. I don't know what I would do with out it, it's just good to have someone in my real life that I can talk to. She's the first therapist I have had where I was actually upset that the time was over.

After I got done with her visit, I actually felt really good about who I am. I even went and bought a lesbian novel that everyone has been recommending. It's called Curious Wine, by Katherine Forrest, and from what I have read from it so far, it seems very good.

My dad was looking through college book, and he found the college I want to go to. He was reading the precentage of male and female students on campus. It was something like 28% male, and 72% female, and he said something about how much he liked those statistice, and it took everything I had not to bust out laughing right there. I had to walk away and laugh to myself. If he only knew how I felt about women, he would be singing a different tune. It was rather funny though, my poor dad, so clueless.

Anyway, I just wanted to extend my thanks to all of you who have signed my guestbook recently, I've been really bad about E-mailing and thanking your personally, but I've been busy :) I love all of your thoughts and opinions, so keep them coming



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