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2002-01-31 Mallory has decided to inform me that she does drugs. When we first started talking she told me she had stopped, and now it comes out that she hasn't. Last time I talked to her, she told me she had taken to doing cocaine again. She then mentioned something about it someday being mixed with morphine, which she is alergic to, and dying. When I asked her if it was worth the risk, she said she didn't care. Which she has said at least once every phone conversation I have had with her, she doesn't care if she dies. I don't know if she does it for attention, or what, but I won't take it anymore. I am not going to try and care for someone enough for two people. It takes too much out of me, and I am not going to set myself up for that. She doesn't want to get off the drugs, and I don't want to care for someone who is slowly killing themselves. She doesn't want help, and I am tired of pleading. Jake, I am going to ask you not to read the next part, so please don't... While I am talking about the whole drug thing, Jake did something the other day that kind of made me angry. Jake, and some of his friends, were caught smoking pot on school grounds. The only way they were able to stay in school was to allow the school to administer random drug tests. So, Jake had been without pot for about four months, then, he decided to smoke some with some friends, knowing that at any moment, the school could do a drug test. Well, the school did one, and by sheer dumb luck, it didn't register on the test. Does it make me a horrible friend and person if I had wished for it to show up? I don't wish that to be mean, but I just go to thinking, here I am, trying so hard just to get into school so I can live my dream, and here he is, three months from graduation, with pretty decent grades, and a chance to go to an amazing college. With all this, almost a sure thing, he goes and does something so incredibly stupid. It just really upset me. If I had that, I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it. He always seems to get away with stuff like that, and sometimes, I think it hurts him. I most certainly didn't want him to lose what he has worked for, but part of me wanted him to learn a lesson, to stop doing some of the stupid stuff he does because of peer preasure. After having long talks with me on how stupid smoking was, he turned around, and to be cool, did it with his friends. He got addicted, and came to me for help to stop. I guess everyone learns their lessons in time, but I really am glad that he didn't get kicked out of school. <-//->
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