2002-02-08
11:44 a.m.

Sometimes it's hard to speak the truth, to stop the ignorance that makes it all easy. Last night Mallory called me for the first time in a week, and said something about doing more drugs. Generally I voice my disapproval, and walk away, but something in my head said 'not today.' I asked her how she expected me to care about her, when she didn't even care about herself.

We're all going to die sometime, she was quick to say, and if I want to die by drugs, then that's my choice. With a sigh, I replied, yeah, and it's my choice not to get hurt while watching you die.

We talked for a while, her proclaiming that she wasn't going to stop unless I gave her a good reason. She wanted me to tell her I loved her, but I don't. I don't just fall in love in a heartbeat. I don't love people for the hell of it. I told her that the only reason for her to stop was for herself. She said she had to go, and she'd call me later...sniffling the whole time. I made her cry, and I felt horrible for that, but not for what I said.

I decided that if she wants to do these things; drugs, dangerous stunts, not taking her medications, then, I can't stand beside her. I won't let myself get caught in a web, where the spider is in wait to stab my heart.

<-//->