2001-08-06
9:53 a.m.

I keep asking myself if I did the right thing. Did I do it for the right reasons? Was I really trying to make her happy, or was I trying to take the easy way out? I was so tired of fighting, of getting hurt time and time again. I never wanted to let the friendship slip away. It was so important to me. It still is. It takes two to make a friendship work, though, and she was too hurt, too angry to try. Our conversations were so superficial, there was just nothing. And inbetween those short conversations, we would have another fight, another one of those fights that hurt me to the soul. That's not what our friendship, our relationship, was. Something changed. We became what we are now, and that's not what I want to be. She wasn't happy, she wouldn't really talk to me, and she was getting hurt, so I did the best I could.

Then, there is the fact that it ended over the internet. I haven't seen her in over three months. Not being able to see someone, to talk to them, puts stresses on a relationship. So, then, I have to wonder, are the things we were feeling because of that, because we were strained? Did we both take the easy way out? I don't know. I hate that I did it. I feel like I gave up. Gave up on something really important to me. I did it for her though, and it's something that I am going to have to deal with. When you really love someone, you have to let them go. I just maintain that slight hope, that sometime in the future, we can start up our friendship again.

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