November 10, 2003
8:30 p.m.

Every day I have the best of intentions to write in here, but something always happens. School has bogged me down, as has work. Not a bad, woe is me, kind of bog, but it just doesn't leave time for a lot of other stuff.

My grandmother had another really big stroke yesterday. I went to see her in the nursing home, and when I got there, she was sleeping in her chair. When I tried to wake her up, she wouldn't even stir. I tried pinching her, clapping my hands, and lifting her eyelids. When I lifted the eyelids, I noticed that the pupils were fixed, and she was staring straight ahead. I mentioned it to the nurse, who assured me she was just asleep. I let it ride, but the longer I sat by my grandmother's side, I just felt something wasn't right. I mentioned it to the nurse again, and again she told me it was nothing to worry about. I finally asked if they could at least move her into the bed. Even when the undressed her, and put her to bed she didn't even begin to wake up at all. I called my aunt, who has power of attorney, and told her of my worries, and she figured it was just a medication overdose. Well, tonight, we got a call from the hospital, it was a pretty big stroke on the left side of her brain. Her previouse stroke was on the right side. She's awake and alert now, but she keeps pointing upwards. I think she is tired of fighting, and is ready to let go. They also found out that she had a pretty bad kidney infection, which is something else I mentioned to the nurses. I noticed that she was drinking a ton of water, so I was figuring either diabetes or something with the kidneys, but, hey, I am just a kid, why listed to anything I say. I know this whole scenario is inevitable, but I'm scared, and I'm not ready to say goodbye. Then again, no one ever is.

My mom pulled yet another of her doozies the other day. I was sitting on the couch when the phone rings. This guy from Bank of America tells me he needs to talk to me about my credit card. The credit card that I haven't used in five months, the one that has been paid off for about four months. He tells me I am not only over my limit, but that my payments are late. I begin to argue with him that he is mistaken when my mom admits that she used my credit card, and swiped my bills before I saw them. I was so mad I had red dots swimming in my vision. It's one thing for her to completely screw up her credit, but I'll be damned if she touches mine. When I had lent her my credit card quite a while ago to pay some bills, she wrote down the number and used it to borrow some money. I ripped that piece of paper up last week. She took care of the bill and made sure no record would be put on my credit, but that doesn't fix what she did. I can't believe my own mother would essentially steal from me. Sometimes, I get tired of being the "grown up" in my household.

Other than that, things really aren't that bad. I still love working with Dr. C, I learn so much from her, she is a great mentor. School is okay, but I am ready to be done with it already. Hmm, only ten years left maybe a little more at the rate I am going.I'll get there someday ..I'll be using a walker on my vet school graduation, but I'll still be there :)

"Hold on, Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on, hold on to yourself
you know that only time will tell."

Sarah Mclachlan "Hold on"



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