2001-04-07
2:04 a.m.

Thank you all. There are so many other words I would like to say, but the only one that comes out it thank you. Everytime it feels like my world is falling apart, some one will mail me, or leave a comment in my guestbook, that will make me remember what life is all about. None of you have to support this girl behind the computer screen. Somehow through these words I have written, my thoughts and feelings, you have become connected to me. You are a part of the complicated web of my life. Although I will never meet most of you, your simple words have helped me become stronger, they have helped me become who I am.

The fact that so many people have taken a moment, no matter what they are dealing with, to go "Hey Heather, I'm here for you. Love will make it through, just stay strong." I can't find the words to thank them enough. So, for all those that read this, I thank you more than I could ever express. I owe you all so much. Just those simple words of support have reminded me that there are still people out there who really do care.

Ever since I have come out as being bi, there have been so many people who have read my struggles, both with myself and the people around me, and E-mailed me. They've told me that by reading what I have written, that they have become comfortable with who they are. That I have given them the strength to be honest. Sometimes I sit infront of this computer screen in shock. How could my ramblings, often written in the middle of the night, actually help some one. I never imagined that this diary would reach people like that. I never thought that I could actually help someone who I have never met. It's the best feeling in the world.

I have had to live through a lot in my sixteen years of life, but it hasn't all been bad. This is a bump in the road, although at the moment is seems like a mountain. Worst case, I have to wait a year to see Jenn. A year isn't that long. Some people are only given a year to live, and that time passes by quickly. I have no death sentence such as that, I only have love waiting at that end of that year. I have great friends, both here and in real life that support me.

My mom seems to have finally come to terms with my bisexuality. I told her last night how much I truely loved Jenn, and that I knew she didn't understand it, or agree with it, but that it was what I felt. My mom, who has been really distant during this whole relationship looked at me, and said 'I don't have to understand it to be able to see it when you two look at each other.' I bursted into tears, because for the first time it felt like my mom finally accepted it. Like she had finally come to terms with who I am, and who I want to be.

Do I hate Jenn's parents? No, I love them. They have made me laugh, and they have been great. I consider them a part of my family. Do I hate what they did? Yes. I hate it with a passion. I know they are scared, I'm scared too. I know that lesbianism isn't exactly accepted with open arms. I know that if Jenn and I have a life together that people will most likely say things, and do thing that will hurt us. But if this is true love, if she is my soul mate, then isn't it worth it? Isn't it worth taking that chance, and being happy in my life, and with myself. I think it is. This is just one of the many tests that love throws in the way. In the end, we will come out more determined, and this love will only grow stronger. So, do I hate Jenn's parents? No.

As is the theme of this diary, this life is a hard rain. With every strom, every hard rain, there is always a rainbow somewhere in all the distruction and heart ache. I've got this umbrella in my heart, and I will ride out this storm. This rain my pour down, it may pour down hard, and the lightning my threaten me, the thunder my scream at me, but I am going to find my rainbow. I am going to make it through.

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