2002-07-19
11:26 p.m.

Today I took my cousin to get a friend of hers, and as I am driving in the car, I am amazed at how fast these girls are "growing up." I don't mean maturing, because I believe they are both far from mature, but just doing things that shouldn't be done until they are older. This girl is talking about which boyfriends she has had sex with, which she hasn't, who she is going out with next week... I sit in the driver's seat shocked. She is only just now sixteen. I am not so stupid to think that this doesn't happen every day, but I guess it just shocks me. I compare it to my own experiences, which really don't amount to much at all, and I look at this girl, two years younger than me, and all that she has done. Everyone makes their own decisions, I guess I am just amazed at the choices that are made.

Work yesterday was pretty good, although I managed to get knocked in the head by a horse who was under anesthesia. I swear he woke up long enough to take his back hoof, knock it on my head, and go back to sleep. I sat there with the clippers, hovered over his belly, staring at the offending leg in disbelief. Does this stuff really happen to other people?

Sometimes I hate my sexuality. Or, more accurately, I hate that I am afriad of my sexuality. I spend so much time through out the day, wondering if I should tell him/her. I mean, I don't want to fluant my sexuality, but I also don't want someone to try and continuously set me up with someone. It's a simple thing to say, two words, 'I'm lesbian.' The words get stuck in my throat so often though, that I think they have a summer condo there. I fear rejection far too much. It's far easier to lose friends over such a simple thing than most people could imagine. I guess I need to evaluate who and what is really important in my life, and not worry so much about everything else.

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