September 25, 2002
9:32 p.m.

Is this what my life has become?

I was watching my Mom with her boyfriend, and wishing I could be a million miles away. I am sorry, but I can never respect, or like this guy, knowing what he has done. I've given him a chance, but I still get the feeling in the pit of my stomach, and, I don't know, I just can't do this.

The weather is becoming colder, and, I think, so is my heart. It's been kicked to the ground a few too many times in the past year, and those walls that had finally come down are rebuilding themselves. I think I have just watched too many of my childish illusions become old and faded, and I can finally see through them. She isn't who I thought she was.

I don't think I can keep on giving, or else I will have nothing else left of me. Nothing else left to give.

Maybe it's just the rain that's begining to get me down.

"But I fear, I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
I have nothing to give
"

Sarah Maclahclan "Fear"

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