2001-05-25
12:55p.m.

Earlier today, Jenn and I traded some pretty harsh words. We were both hurt, and we were lashing out. As is true to our friendship, once we cooled off, we were able to reconnect. She is still my best friend, and no matter what, she will always be. Even if she is often hard headed, and infuriating, I know that she'll be there for me.

Our relationship isn't over because of a lack of love, but more like there is too much love to quickly. Jenn needed time away from that, time to remember who she was. So, I guess *they* didn't win after all, because the love is still there, and that's what is important. After talking with her today, I am better prepared to accept it, and give her the time and space she needs. If what we have really is the real thing, then waiting will be worth it.

Thank you to everyone who has already signed my guestbook, and for your wishes of well being. Well, let me rephrase that, thank you everone except the coward who hides behind a nickname, and passes judgement on those he/she doesn't know. I'm sorry that he/she has never felt the kind of love that makes even the worst days worth living through, and I honestly hope that he/she finds it some day. I won't lose faith, and hopefully, when Jenn finds what she is looking for, her path will still lead back to me.

My DSL was finally fixed today, although I won't give the guy that came to my house too much credit. After checking all of the outside stuff, he decides that my modem is dead. Well, he comes in, and of course pulls the whole 'let's restart the computer ten times and maybe the modem will miraculously work.' Gee, big surprise, it didn't work. Well, the guy then spends about ten minutes just starting at my computer monitor, moving the mouse around but not really doing anything. Is that some new kind of computer therapy? Well, of course, since I know nothing about my computer, and since I didn't spend over half of my Wednesday morning on with technical service, no one believe me when I say something isn't going to work. The repair man finally gets frustrated with the fact that his random mouse movements, and restarts aren't working, and he calls technical service. Glad to know he knew what he was doing. Finally, he gives up, and discovers that I am not as much of an idiot as he thinks I am, and relinquishes his prized modem. So, now I have a nice new modem that is happily working.

I heard a song the other day that had me and my mom both in tears. It's called "She misses him" by Tim Rushlow. It's talking about a woman that is caring for her husband after he gets alzheimers. What touched me most about the song was that if you switched the genders, that song could be about my grandfather. For almost three years he has cared endlessly for my grandmother. There has never been a single complaint that can be heard coming from his mouth. He smiles every day, but we all know how much he misses her, the her she used to be. We all miss her. Here are the lyrics to the song:

She shaves his face
She combs his hair
She helps him find
His rocking chair
She cooks his meal
She wipes his mouth
And the window that
He's looking out
She reads him books
She speaks his name
Oh everyday is much the same
She sighs that sigh
From deep within
The one that says
She misses him
She misses his gentle touch
And the way he used to make her laugh
She misses the man he was
In all of those old photographs
So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart
His Children come on Saturday
There at his feet his grandkids play
It's sad they don't know him at all
He's just the one they call grandpa
They take out his trash
They mow his lawn
Things he can't do
Since he's been gone
She's grateful that
They're pitching in
And like everyone else
She misses him
She misses his gentle touch
And the way he used to make her laugh
She misses the man he was
In all of those old photographs
So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart
And Yes, they're still together
After all these years
But sometimes you can almost feel
The sadness in her tears
She misses his gentle touch
And the way he used to make her laugh
She misses the man he was
In all of those old photographs
So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart
The man who stole her very heart
She misses him

<-//->