2001-09-18
8:34 p.m.

I love you have always been hard words for me to say. Why, I really don't know. I don't have any tragic stories to tell, stories that would instill a fear of love into me. I guess it's just a part of me. Even to family members, and close friends, I keep my silence. I know they know I love them, I just wish I could be able to say it with ease. When I say I love you, I always want to mean it, and mean it with all my heart. It's not just something that I say out of habbit, or obligation, it's what I feel. So, I make this entry to write the words that I so seldome say.

Mom, I love you. I love you because you are my best friend on the days when I need a shoulder to cry on, and you are my mother when I need someone to guide me. You have taught me things that I will never forget, and have made me part of the person I am today. You have loved me unconditionally, and you have in turn shown me the true meaning of love.

Dad, I love you. I love you because you are my father, and have always protected me from heartache the best you know how. Although you have trouble saying I love you as well, everytime you hug me, I know. I know I haven't always been the best daughter, pushing you away at times, but, Dad, I do love you.

Janice (my step-mother), I love you. I know I have never told you. You tell me you love me every time you hang up the phone, but I never return the sentiment. I am sorry. I do love you though. You were there for me in a time when my mom and dad physically and emotionally couldn't be. You have turned out to be such a wonderful friend to me. Never trying to take the place of my mom, never intruding in my relationship with my dad, just being a friend. I thank you for that. You have always treated me like the daughter you never had, thank you.

Mudder and Pop (my grandparents), I love you. You helped to raise me. You would sit and listen to my fancifull fairy tales, no matter how long they were. You spoiled me, like most grandparents do, but you always kept me in touch with reality. You are beautiful people, and I love you.

Jake, I love you. You have been a loyal, unwavering friend. There for me everytime I needed you. You know how I am, always emotionally distant, so I thought I would use this oppurtunity to tell you. You have shown me true friendship over the years, and I thank you for it.

Marcella, I love you. My first internet friend. I kept waiting for you to turn away from me, or grow distant, as is true with most internet friendships, but you were always there. Giving me a smile when I needed one, a laugh when I was on the verge of tears. You are really a wonderful person, so free spirited, so lovely. You showed me such kindness when I came to visit you, making me forget all the troubles on my mind. You are truely one of my best friends.

Ashley, I love you. I don't know how many nights you stayed up to the wee hours of the morning, even if you had school, to talk to me. You helped me save a friendship, when pride almost got in our way. You were never afraid to confront me when I wasn't being truthful. You helped me so many times, in so many ways.

Guestbook signers, I love you. I love you because you gave me support, and strength when I was busy feeling sorry for myself. You have given me advice that has helped me tons. You have become an important part of my life, you seem to always be there when I really need you.

Jenn, I love you. You made me realize that it is okay to be who I am. You made me feel beautiful, and special. In the midst of my depression, you gave me happiness, overwhelming happiness. I love you because of the beautiful person you are, inside and out. You are my best friend. What more can I say.

There are more, but you know me, I can't be -too- emotional ;) I think I hit the important people though.

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