July 15, 2003
7:48 p.m.

So, anyway, about last night's entry. I was on my way home from school, and I called my mom. She told me that my grandmother had been sent to the hospital. She had been feeling sick and throwing up for a couple of days, and the nursing home finally took an X-ray. They thought they saw a twist in her intestine, meaning she would have to go to surgery. The reason she had her stroke in the begining was from open heart surgery, so, of course, all I could see was this being the end of the road. It was like a death sentence, I just knew she would die on the table. All of the sudden, it was just too much. I was at the point where I didn't really want to talk about it, but, I had to get rid of all the emotions that were welling up inside me. Thus the entry.

Anyway, the radiologist at the hospital thinks that instead of a twist, it may just be a blockage, which, is actually somewhat better. It means that she most likely won't have to go to surgery. So, I guess we'll have to see.

Of course, with my life, good news is always followed by devestating news. Roger fucking decided today, that my dogs needed to go outside. Now, my little nut case, Maggie, has managed to create a large hole in the pen, so, I have to stand out there with them while they go to the bathroom. I have it rigged where it will take them a few minutes to get out, so, as long as I stand there, everything is fine. Well, knowing about this, Roger put them out, and then went to work. So, Maggie and my other dog, Karima, got out. I came home to my Mom telling me that Karima was dead, she had been hit by a car. Roger finally got his wish. I know he didn't mean to do it on purpose, but he has done so much stupid stuff like that it was only a matter of time. He has left the dogs out in the heat with no water before, he puts them outside without watching them, he tosses them off of furniture as if they were nothing. I don't know, I am just at the point of pain where it hurts so much that I am numb. I guess, as harsh as it sounds, I'm glad it was Karima of all my dogs. I love her, and I connected with her, the first night I broght the extremely skinny, frightened dog into the house, but, I never connected with her to the extent I have my other dogs. I don't know, I didn't love her any less, I just..I can't really explain it. My dad made her a little grave stone, which, for him, was an extreme gesture of kindness. Life goes on, I've got other animals that need my love. I guess I am just waiting for the string of heart ache to end. Maybe it's not supposed to end, though. Isn't that what life really is? Life, death and the inbetween? :;shrugs::

And to you: I know you still read my diary, as I do yours. I haven't quite worked out in my mind what to think, not that it really matters. Here isn't the place for me to state those thoughts anyway. I guess, just know that I am thinking of you.

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