2001-07-23
12:14 p.m.

I finally got a chance to read "Annie on my Mind" yesterday, as Mars and I had a long drive. I read the entire book, hardly able to put it down. It was so beautiful, so true. It delt with everything, from the uncertainty, the fear, to the realization that it all doesn't matter, that happiness is the key. It showed both sides of the spectrem, the support that true friends will give you, to the hatred that those you thought were your friends show. I had to hold my tears at points, the similarities to my situation at times were utterly uncanny. It was a wonderful wonderful wonderful book.

It's been wonderful being here in Canada. It's been almost a vacation from everything. I haven't really had to think, I've just had to have fun. Marcella is really fun to be around. She doesn't seem to care much about what other people think, and will burst into song on a crowded bus if it suits her mood. When you are around her, you just can't resist joining in, no matter how stupid you feel. It's contagious, her love of fun. It's good for me, because I often find myself too afraid of what others are thinking, and I censor myself. Here, I have let myself go a little wild, a little more free, and it was really fun. Will it bring on an amazing change about me, no, probably not, but I did realize that it's okay to let loose once in a while.

I am once again left wondering why we have to grow up so quickly. Why can't we hold onto childhood for just a little longer. We have an entire life to be grown up, but only such a short time to be a child. Only a short time to see unicorns outside the window. At least with Marcella, I have been reminded of how to be a kid. How to not care so much about the thoughts of those around me. What a wonderful gift from her.

Last night, I showed her how to trim her birds wings, which was an adventure, let me tell you. Her bird, Skeety, is a real biter, so we had to have gloves to get him. Marcella was afraid to hold him too tight, so he kept getting away, and flying around the room. It's not so bad, except when he flies directly at your face. After an hour, we were successful though, mwahaha. I don't think Skeety loves me anymore though.

I called and checked on Maggie today, and they said she was getting around better, which is just wonderful news to me. I know she won't make a complete recovery, that's far too much to hope for. But I do hope that she will be able to run and jump, and just be a dog. I don't care how funny she looks doing it, I just want her to be happy.

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