2002-08-15
6:45 p.m.

Yesterday was dead at work, and I was somewhat thankful for the break. I decided to use the down time to better arrange our surgery room. It's gotten to the point where it takes ten minutes to find an instrument because of how disorganized it is. I basically pulled everything off the shelves, and began to put it back on. Kathy came in, and decided to help me, and since we are so high tech at the clinic, she and I decided to cut up cardboard boxes to make deviders on our shelves. I think it is much improved, even if it is just a bit tacky.

While Kathy and I were organizing, she began to talk to me. For some reason, people at the clinic use me as a bit of a sounding board. Almost everyone there talks to me, and tells me personal details of their lives. I don't really know why I have become the chosen one, but I guess I should take it as a compliment.

Anyway, Kathy's boyfriend broke up with her a few days ago. Kathy is one of those people who has never wanted, or needed a man to be happy. She had been in a dead marriage for quite a few years, but her stubborness wouldn't let her throw the towel in. She wanted to love her now ex-husband, but there just wasn't a man there that could be loved. Kathy admitted to me that she didn't even really know what love was. Then there was Ronnie. The farrier our clinic deals with quite a bit. He's a great big teddy bear of a guy, a hopeless romantic, and we all loved him. He and Kathy became a couple two years ago, and only recently told anyone about it, because both of them were in the middle of divorces. Kathy found out what love was with him. He's been going through a bit of a midlife crisis, and on his birthday, he broke up with Kathy. I have never seen Kathy come close to crying, but when she pulled me to the side the other day, and told me, she let the tears fall without checking them.

Anyway, as we sat in the surgery room, cutting cardboard boxes, she began to tell me about Ronnie, and some the sweet thing he had done for her. The long stemmed roses appearing in her car, the gentle kiss in the moonlight, just little things like that. Things she hasn't told anyone else. The look she had in her eyes, it reminded me of myself. It was how I looked when I talked about Jenn, probably how I still look when I talk about her. Suddenly, in that moment, I felt ten times closer to Kathy. The same woman who I couldn't stand such a short time ago has suddenly become a friend again. I feel closer to her now than I have in a while.

Last night, I was about to walk out the door, when Dr. C got a page about a horse with a pretty bad cut. I opted to go with her and help her out. When we got to the little farm, there were two older women there, fussing over a horse. I noticed one of the women was quite butch, and I wondered briefly if they were lesbians. After Dr. C and I finished stitching up the wound, the more femme woman was washing off the horses bloody leg, when she got some dirt on her hands. I watched 'Butch' took the other woman's hand in her own, and wiped in on her shirt, the whole time having a completely loving look in her eyes. I think Butch noticed the smile on my face, and began chatting with me about the Femme. Mentioning how crazy it was for her to wear white pants to the barn. Femme hits Butch on the shoulder, saying she didn't know that they would be stuck doing these extracarricular activities after dinner, giving Butch a knowing smile. It was really refreshing to see two women in love and not afraid to show it.

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