2001-03-26
01:23 a.m.

I just had a really long entry posted, but my computer decided to freeze just as I finished, so here goes again.

I love Jenn. I haven't really said that in this diary, because I guess a part of me is still concerned about what people think. I'm not really sure why, because I have gotten nothing buy support from everyone.

We've been together as a couple for a month now. I know it's a drop in the bucket of time, but considering some of the stuff we have had to go through, I think it's an accomplishment. It hasn't been an easy road to take, but life isn't easy.

When Jenn told me she loved me, I didn't really respond the way I wanted to. My heart was screaming at me to tell her that I loved her too. My brain however was telling me that by telling her I loved her, there would be nothing standing in the way to keep the relationship from going to the next level. Although part of me wanted that so badly, I was so concerned about other people's thoughts, that I wouldn't allow myself to be honest with her. Things were then a bit awkward between us, and Jenn tried to 'fix' it by taking back what she said. I knew that doing that was killing her, because Jenn is the type of person who wouldn't say 'I love you' unless she really meant it. I saw my chance slipping away, because I knew that if I let her take it back, then I probably wouldn't ever get up the nerve to tell her how I felt. Jenn told me that she couldn't love someone that didn't love her, and when she said that, I saw my chance. I told her that I did love her.

Then came the inevitable what next. Our friendship is very important to both of us, and neither one of us wanted to do anything to jeopardise that. Love can be wonderful, but goodbye can tear someone apart. Jenn and I talked a lot about the pro's and con's of everything, and eventually decided to go on a date, to see if it was what we both wanted. At first, we were both kind of awkward, not really sure what to do. While we were watching the movie, I finally got the guts to reach for her hand. It seemed to me in that moment, that it was in fact what I wanted. I suddenly didn't care what the guy next to me was thinking, I was happy.

After that, Jenn and I spent everyday over the next week together. We were getting to know each other all over again, in a new light. A week after our first date, we shared our first kiss. It wasn't a big thing, it was just simple and sweet.

One thing that I love about my relationship with Jenn is the fact that it is emotional, not sexual. I mean, yea, there is sexual attraction there, but emotions are what rule our relationship. Don't get my wrong, I love our kisses, but I treasure those moments, being held in her arms, and just talking. I'm happy with her; she makes me happy. That's all that matters right now.

"you put your arms around me,
and life my hair,
and when you kiss me baby
ohohoh yeah,
i do not want to forget
the way you look at me
when everything is perfect"

Doria Roberts "Perfect"



<-//->

New Older Notes E-mail Rings Host Vote Wishlist