2001-10-21
6:04 p.m.

Have you ever been hugged by someone so tight, that you know they are hugging you to hang on, to keep from falling down some dark, endless pit? I was today. I don't think I have ever had so much trouble holding back tears. This woman hugged me, as if I was her last hold on life. I was somewhat lost. I didn't have anything to say to help her, to make her pain easier. All I could do was hug back, and hope that I could transfer some of my strength to her. When she let go, she was blinking back tears, and ready for a hard journey. She was taking her dog back to her house to be burried. When she got there, she would have to watch her daughter, and grandson cry, and she was supposed to be the strong one. The mother figure. I saw the battle raging with in her. And then, she hugged me again, thanking me for caring for her dog. I told her she had done the right thing, and then I walked quickly back into the clinic, for my eyes were on fire with unshed tears.

Dr. Fuller followed me moments later, and I could see pain etched on his face. 'I didn't go to school to do this,' he said, as he began cleaning the area which we had used to euthanize the dog. What bothered him the most was the fact, that he could fix what was medically wrong with the dog, which consisted of wounds on the dogs back, but he couldn't fix the rest of the problems. The dog had never, in twelve years, had vaccinations, and here he was, with bite wounds of some kind on his back. With no rabies vacs in his system, we would be required by law to keep the dog for six months under observation. The dog was thirteen years old, with arthritis, so who is to know if he would even make it the six months. The owners also couldn't afford the money it would cost to board him that long. So, even though he was getting better, we had to end his life. It's always harder then, when you KNOW you can fix what is wrong, but you can't fix the whole picture. It was really hard.

I talked to the dog's owner for about twenty minutes before Dr. Fuller showed up. I could tell this woman was having a hard time. She wanted to save the dog, she loved the dog, but she couldn't. There was nothing she could do. And, in her time of mourning, she pulled Dr. Fuller asside, and told him that she was thankful I was there, and that I had done a wonderful job. It really made me feel good about myself. I just wish I had possessed some miracle cure, or even the money to board the dog for her. I know it wouldn't have helped. The dog was old, he had had a good life. It still hurt.

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