2001-04-26
12:02 a.m.

I had yet another wonderful session in therapy today, one of those sessions where you walk away smiling. Tammy, the therapist, decided to bring my mom in for a while. It was good to see some of the stuff my mom was saying. She's really concerned that we are going to loose that closeness we have, which is kind of crazy. She is my mom, and she will always be my mom, and she will always be one of my best friends. Then, the subject of my sexuality came up. My mom threw an uncomfortable glance my way, then began the speack that I am so sick of hearing I could scream. My mom began saying that I was too young to make this "choice" and that I should have more experience before I "choose" to be lesbian or whatever. She also said something like Jenn pushed me into being gay. Well, my all wonderful Tammy lets my mom finish, and then she lays down the law so to speak. She informs my mom that it isn't really a matter of choice, that I didn't wake up one day and choose to be gay. She also said that you couldn't be really pushed into being gay, it was more of an either you were, or you weren't, and no one can really convince you otherwise. Tammy said that from what she had heard from me, I had come by the decision after lots of thought, and had been very mature about it. Tammy told my mom to quit looking for excuses, and just try to support me. I wanted to run up and hug Tammy right then and there.

I was talking to Jake today about how much we hate lying about our sexuality. I hate being at family gatherings when they ask me if I have a boyfriend. I hate looking my family in the eye, and saying no, and then act interested as they try and set me up with someone. I hate lying. I hate that I live in a society where I actually have to.

My love and sympathy go out to Melissa, who, today, had a situation, similar to that of Jenn and mine, happen. I am just amazed at how some people can be so afraid of the unknown. The instant something out of the norm comes up, people get so afraid, and try to avoid it. I can honestly say I know the pain she is feeling, because I feel it everyday when I wake up, and realize that it wasn't just a dream. I miss Jenn like I would miss an actual piece of my body. I just have to keep holding on to the faith that everything will work out.

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