2000-11-19
03:36:04

Life is so uncertain, we as humans are mortal, yet humans live life as if it are imortal. 'I'll do it later' 'I'll do it tomorrow' are phrases heard every minute of everyday, yet tomorrow may never come. Life itself is an uncertainty, a bet in which the odds get worse as every second ticks by. I don't know what has spurred my sudden reflective mood, it just hit me all the sudden, and I felt the need to get it out.

"Now your sleeping peacefully I lie awake an pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll se another day
and we will praise it and love the light
that brings a smile across your face"

The other day in the car my Mom asks me what I would do if she were to die soon. It's one of those conversations that I don't want to have. I still have that level of ignorance where my mother is supposed to live forever. She's supposed to be there on my wedding day, see her grandchildren. I know, however, that in reality, it might not be a possiblity. She only has a little time left before she has to go in for another bipass. She could die on the table, she could have a stroke like my grandmother, or she could wake up fine. After this bipass, however, she goes on the list for a heart transplant. We all know that the people who get those are actually very few. It scared me so bad when she brought that up. She asked me if I had done everything with her that I wanted to do. It was like she was giving up or something, and it frightened me so bad. I wanted to curl up in a ball by myself. I just looked out the window, watching the houses go by as we drove, wishing to be anywhere else but in that car having that conversation.

I don't know, I guess my whole point is don't take life for granted. My grandmother went into surgury to make her healthy again, and came out unable to do anything for herself. Life is uncertain. Life will end. So I guess I plead that you love to your fullest. And live life to the fullest.

Steps off soap box, okay, I don't really know where that came from..but um..goodnight.

"Hold on, hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on, hold on to yourself
you know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to belive
this isn't easier than the real thing
my love, you know that you're my best friend
you know I'd do anything for you
my love, let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here, or am I
at the cross roads I am standing
Now your sleeping peacefully
I lie awake an pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow
and we'll se another day
and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile across your face"

Sarah Mclachlan "Hold On"

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