2001-03-07
20:15:03

So, last night I cornered my mom and told her to tell me exactly what she thought about everything, after having a few days to think about it. To sum up the hour long monologue, she doesn't like it one bit, she doesn't believe that I actually am bi, and lets not forget that religion and God were thrown violently in my face. Then she said something that hurt me more than I let on to her, she said that she could deal with me being pregnant and having sex at my age better than she can deal with my loving another woman. She then asked me what I thought about everything she had said, I told her that I respected her opinions, that she had made some good points...then she interrupted me, and siad, but you are going to do what you want. I said no, that I was going to take what she said, and what I felt, and make a good decision. I've thought about it a lot, and for once, I want to follow my heart, I want to stop over analyzing things, which I always do. I want to quit being this perfect ideal child that my mom sees me as. I just want to be me, I want to be what I feel. I feel that this is right.

I saw my psychiatrist today, and I made him blush, and stutter, which was the highlight of the appointment. His great advice to me..have sex with a man and a woman and make sure that I like them both before I decide. Thank you doc for encouraging a sixteen year old girl to have sex. He also gave me Welbutrin to take along with my Paxil. I must be more screwed up than I thought. The Welbutrin is supposed to even out my depressive moods that I have been having lately. Sometimes I will wake up in the morning, and the thought of getting out bed makes me almost want to cry. The Welbutrin is supposed to help, and guess what, it doesn't cause sexual side affects, aren't we all glad the good doctor informed me of that.

Babysitting last night was extremely fun ::voice is dripping whith sarcasm:: So, the little boy tells me that he is going into the kitchen to get a drink. Well, okay, that's all fine and good, when two minutes later I hear him scream and start crying. I get up and go running into the kitchen to find him with his hand in the electric can opener. He had put his finger against the metel ridges, and pushed the top down, and turned it on. It ripped a little of the skin off of his pointer finger. Now, the mom is a nurse, so they are going to have lots and lots of bandaids...right? Nope, not a single bandaide in the enite house. So, I wash off his finger, and call Jenn, begging her to come over and bring me the sacred gift of bandaids. She does, and her and I together get the bandaid on him. After that, he was fine, but it scared me. When we asked him what had possessed him to put his finger in the can opener, his response was "because it was stupid." Yeah, he had that right.

I heard a wonderful song today by a lady named Jess Klein. It's really funny, and kind of true to the way I feel. So, the rest of this entry is going to be the lyrics to that song, so if you don't feel like reading that, I shall wave bye now. Although I think all you ladies will love the lyrics to the song and go off and download it, but to the rest Bye bye :)

Flirting
"The boss didn't like me because I refused to flirt
he paid me peanuts and treated me like dirt
and he said we can work it out what do you say
I thought, I bet at five pm this gets subtracted out of my pay
, I said heyeyey, flirt with this
I'm a certified hard core bitch
I don't want aproval from you
but I'll let you live that's the only favor I'm going to do for you
I sing myself to sleep I sing myself awake
it's a wooden belly hustle, he said shake a baby shake
I guess I shook it too hard in a public place
cause he was breathing donw my neck with his arm around my waste
and his slimy intentions are oozing from his face
what's a pretty girl like you doing without a man
I said why don't you ask my girl frined she'll help you understand
Heyeyey, flirt with this I'm a certified hard core bitch
I don't want attention from you,
but I'll let you live and thats the only favor I'm going to do
serving food to a man with a top ten list on his chest
top ten reasons why beer is better then women
what? god
Reason number one, beer always tastes fresh,
so I spit in his salad so it would be better dressed
reason number two beer labels to don't put up a fight,
I looked at my carving knife
and though I just might
, so I rang up his order and what did I say
I said thank you for raping me with your shirt, and have a nice day,
he said relax girly don't you like to flirt
and I said no bagles and locks for you pal
Heyeyey, flirt with this, I'm a certified hard core bitch
I don not care for your point of view
but I'll let you live and you'll consider yourself lucky too,
so sing it with me ladies there is no reason to be afraid,
a bad attitude can really brighten up your day,
some man tries to get you to hang your head in shame,
just give him the boot with the name that brought you to fame.
say heeyeye, I'm a certified hard core bitch
and I do not want any shit from you
and I'll let you live, that's the only thing that I'll let you do."

Jess Klein "flirting"

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