2001-05-05
9:06 p.m.

Last night I told a real life friend about Jenn and I. I was kind of nervous telling her because she was the first close friend, asside from Jake, that I have told. She knew something had happened between Jenn and I to make Jenn's parents not alllow us to talk, but I wouldn't tell her why. For some reason, last night, I decided to tell her. She took it quite well, saying that she was surprised, but that she was fine with it. She said it had always been her belief that love and friendship go beyond gender.

After I tell someone about my sexuality, I always feel so much better. I guess it's the fact that I don't feel like I'm keeping a secret or anything. It's the before and during parts of telling someone that I could live without. As horrible as it sounds, I know that there are some people who's friendship I would most likely loose over my sexuality. I guess logically I know that if they would judge me on that, then they aren't that great of a friend, but tell my heart that. There's always that pause after telling someone, that moment of silence where you wonder if you have just lost a friend, or gained someone's support. It's the longest pause of my life.

I was kind of nervous, because I was going to see this friend today at a Kentucky Derby party. I was afraid she might act weird, but all this worrying was of course unfounded. I haven't seen her in about four months, and when she walked in, she ran up to me and gave me a hug. She acted completely normal, which I was greatful for. I had a lot of fun today, seeing a lot of friends that I haven't seen in a while, since I quit going to public school. I also realized, however, how much we have all changed. For instance, the girl who was about as enthusiastic about boys as I was now has a boyfriend. As much as I enjoyed seeing my old friends, I also felt out of place. I guess we all change, and the changes either bring us closer together, or farther apart.

Speaking of the Derby, I hope everyone watched it. I had two horses that I was rooting for. If you don't know me, just know that for some reason, I am obsessed with grey horses. Don't ask me why, but I just love them. So, of course, I was rooting for the two grey horses in the race, Jamaican Rum, and Monarchos. Well, Monarchos was amazing. The final track time for the run for the roses was only four tenths of a second behind the great Secretariat, making him the second fastest horse to ever win the Derby. I was jumping up and down, cheering him on. What can I say, I get obsessed with my horses :) Here is a picture of the wonderful Monarchos himself:

Isn't he beautiful? Ah, there's nothing like a Derby, and comming out to a friend to make your day wonderful. Heh, yeah, I'm just weird like that. Oh, and if you didn't watch the race, which I know you are extremely upset about, here is a page you can go to for the details.

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