2001-06-27
10:46 p.m.

Every day is one step closer to some distant goal that I have yet to realize. What this goal is, what it contains, is not yet known to me.

Why do my words come out in jumbles sometimes, serving to make things worse, when all I want is to make them better. Why can't my words flow out, and become like a bandaid, healing the wounds that exist. More often than not, I feel like I am pouring salt into these invisible wounds. I'm the type of person who would rather hurt a billion times before I would want anyone else to hurt. Instead, I seem to be hurting myself, as well as those I try to protect. Maybe that's why I am such an animal person, I know the words I say to them never come out wrong. They rely only on my touches, the tone of my voice..if only people were that easy.

I'm tired of lying to people, because those lies hurt me, and they hurt those people. Yet, part of me knows that the truth could hurt so much more. I know that life isn't easy, if it were easy, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. Sometimes I just want to take the easy way out, quit fighting for just one minute. That wouldn't be me though, and I know it. I'm too stubborn to give up on something important to me. I know this entry is beyond confusing, little tidbits of information with no real answers. Kind of like life. It gives a little, just enough to keep your interest, but you never really see the whole picture.

Each day is a step toward some goal in the distance, but each day, that goal gets closer and closer to my outstretched hand. Soon, I will be able to hold it, feel it's warmth enveloping me.

If you want an entry that makes sense, and sounds a lot more happy, read my previous entry. I just felt the need to write tonight, and this is what my fingers typed out. So, as you sit in front of your computer monitor, a look of confusion on your face, blame my fingers.



<-//->

New Older Notes E-mail Rings Host Vote Wishlist