2001-07-30
5:31 p.m.

Blah, I've been sick all day today. I watched my breakfast come back up this morning. I know everyone wanted to hear that.

I talked to Merilily this afternoon, and she made me come to a realization of sorts. My diary has sort of become one of those diaries I don't like. My entries have begun to loose the meaning they once held. They're superficial now, not even scratching the surface of my thoughts. I'm almost lying to myself, thinking that maybe if I don't acknowledge it, it won't exist. I know I am talking in circles now, not making any sense, but it makes sense to me.

I don't want to be one of those diaries that people yawn at while reading. I don't want this diary to be a recollection of my daily events, but that's what it is becoming. Why? Because the truth scares me now, my own thoughts dig too deep for my liking. I'm turning, and taking the easy route, finding it easier not to think, but to be one of those mindless drones that I hate. I have to stop, because I am not going to become one of those people. Yes, it feels nice to be doing it all the easy way, hiding inside of my own head, forgetting everything else. It feels nice, but it's not real. So, I've enjoyed my rest, but it's time now to go back on the right path. Sure, it's harder, a hell of a lot harder, but at least it's true to me.

Now that I have made my goal, I just have to go for it. I know this entry doens't really make much sense, but it had to be written for me. To remind me of my chosen path.

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