2001-04-11
11:40 p.m.

Watching John Edwards tonight was a good uplift for me. I've been kind of depressed all day, and I'm not really sure why. I hate being depressed. It makes me sound like the typical teen, but that's not who I want to be. I don't want to get depressed at the drop of a hat. I know this probably has something to do with my social axiety disorder, but I still hate it. Anyway, on John Edwards tonight, I got to watch a guy make a fool of himself in front of millions of people. I think I enjoyed it a little too much.

John: Someone is named Pete or Peter. Are you Pete?
Guy:No
John:You're not Pete or Peter
Guy:Oh, I'm Peter
John: ::gives guy weird look:: Okay, do you have family on the west coast
Guy:No
John: Yes, yes you do. I can garuntee that there is family on the west coast
Guy:Nope, none
John: Are you sure?
Guy: Yep
Guy's wife: Um, honey, your nefew lives in California
John: ::tries not to laugh:: I'm told to acknowldege another Pete or Peter
Guy: I don't know of any others
Guy's wife:Um..your son

Heh, you have to wonder about this guys sanity. It was really funny.

I am still amazed at how many people I have drawn into my relationship with Jenn. I feel like I am a series on tv that everyone is tuning into, waiting for the next episode to come on. I mean that in a good way. I mean, people I have never talked to before will IM me, and ask what's going on, and if they can help at all. I never dreamed that I would get support from so many people. When I admited to being bi, I kept waiting for the number of readers to drop, for people to be disgusted, but more and more people have been reading me. I've gotten so many E-mails of people just offering support, some even make me cry. It's really a wonderful feeling to know that I have touched so many people, and that I have so many friendly faces rooting for me.

I saw Jenn's dad online tonight, and I wanted to IM him so badly. I just wanted to beg him to allow me just a few minutes to see Jenn. I didn't want to make him mad, or make things worse for Jenn. I want her as my girlfriend, but I need her as my friend. I hate that both have been taken away from me.

I feel like I am a broken record, like I get on her and say the same thing everyday. I guess that's because it's all that I seem to think about lately. Hopefully I'll snap out of it. I mean, I have to look at what I have. Jenn is still alive, things will work out eventually. SO, all in all I am lucky, I just need to get my butt in gear and get out of this depression



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