2001-07-12
7:27 p.m.

I'm afraid I may end up having to quit going up to the vets. It's gotten to the point where my mom is actually hinting at me needing to get a job, which means the money troubles are of course getting worse. Tomorrow, I am going to talk to Dr. Fuller, and see if it's possible I could get a part time job. Then, I figure I could continue to volunteer in the mornings, and then get paid for the afternoons. I love working there, I have already learned so much, and it's gotten to the point where I have begun to ween off of my meds. It's amazing how much that place has helped me, and I don't know if I can ever express that to all the friendly faces working there. If I don't get hired, I'm afraid that I may have to look somewhere else. I know my mom would never ask me to give that up if there were any other choice..but at this point.. I think they will hire me, I pray they will, because I just don't know if I physically can go somewhere else. I mean, it took me so long to even get up courage to go there, starting over again would be a step back in the wrong direction I fear.

Today, I was ready to loose my cool with an owner. I am always so quiet and reserved, I try not to judge people, but we had a dog today that just made me so angry. I was giving the dogs some drugs to make it sleepy so that we could get X-rays, and I noticed that there were a few ticks that were quite large and swollen. After clearing it with Dr. C, I sprayed Frontline spray on the dog, which kills ticks when it comes in contact with them. I was not expecting to see the amount come off that I saw. When I say handfulls, believe me that I am not exaggerating. When the dog was up on the X-ray table, I kept wiping away paper towels full of ticks. I haven't even see flea infestations as bad as this dog's ticks. It made the whole clinic sick. There is no excuse, NO excuse for a dog to be that covered. I couldn't be there when the owner came, I had to walk away.

I picked up my guitar for the first time in a while today. I have found out that I still can't play it, but it's still fun just to sit and mess around with it. I have always loved the way it sounds..well, when it's tuned anyway. I don't know what it is, but it always calms me.

So, more bad news. It's possible that my mom might have cancer. She had an abnormal pap smear not too long ago, and when they did a biopsy, it came back abnormal. The doctor said it wasn't "too bad" but she need to "talk to her in person." Then, on top of that, my mom has been having chest pains again. When it rains, it pours. I'm going to try not to get worried until she talks to the doctor.

<-//->