October 05, 2002
10:47 p.m.

Saturdays are starting to leave an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am just tired of death. The past month or so has just been really bad, heartbreaking really. I hate seeing the pain in people's eyes, especially people I know. I'll forgo the details, mainly because I don't want to talk about it, but we put a horse down today that we have been working on for over a month. There was just nothing that could be done. The horse belonged to one of our employees, which really had the pressure on Dr. C. She blamed herself for the horse's death.

I walked up to her today, and asked her if she was okay. She looked at me, and was about to say yes, when she stopped, shook her head, and said no. She believes if she had been more agressive that she could have saved the horse, but I don't think so. I told Dr. C, that, even knowing the outcome, if it were my horse, I would have trusted her with it's care. I mean that with all my heart.

I guess it's easier to focus on the losses, to remember the sad things. I just have to remind myself of every animal we have saved, of all the pets that were so close to death that we brought back to life. That's what it's all about. That's what I go into work every day for, to bring life back to that one animal, to give a person back their "child." I wouldn't change it for the world. As long as there is a chance to win the battle with death, I will continue to give my everything.

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