2001-12-30
10:08 p.m.

I spent the weekend at Leslie's house, and got to go riding every day. ::big smile:: I took some pictures of Curly, the grey horse I am in love with, so I will post them when they are developed. I really had a lot of fun, and my legs are finally getting strength back in them.

I talked to Mallory last night, and she told me, that despite trying not to, she has begun to like me. She said that while she was away at her grandparents house, she found herself thinking about a person she didn't even know, and couldn't stop thinking about it. It made me smile, and feel that little flutter in my stomach. I didn't really say anything to that..I guess I am just afraid. Scared out of my wits is more like it. I'm scared because I like her too. I look foward to talking to her. We are hopefully going to meet somewhere on Tuesday.

I asked my mom about going to meet her, and up comes the homophobic mom that I haven't seen in a while. The one that, once agian, thinks this is a phase, that thinks I am too young, that thinks I don't know what I am doing. I garuntee you if Mallory had a penis, she wouldn't have a problem with it. I know she is wanting to protect me, but I am seventeen years old, she can't keep me locked away in a closet forever. She told me tonight, that she doesn't want to 'encourage a relationship that is not right.' ::bangs head on desk:: Does this seem like deja vu to anyone else. I know it is hard for her, and I love my mom to death, but I just want to be able to be me. I don't like trying to avoid the subject, because it always ends in fights, I want to be honest with my mom. We always have been. It's always been us, together, but now there is a crack in the bond. It's like an elephant in the room. So, we just don't talk about it. I get sick of trying, and any time I do try, I get religion 101. When I tell her that that's not the way I see it, she tells me I am wrong. Argh.

I just don't know anymore.

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