2001-08-16
12:40 p.m.

I think we all forget who we are sometimes, we're too busy trying to be someone else. Trying to be the person he/she wants us to be. I know I do it all the time. I'll find myself slipping into some alternate state of being, slipping into a skin that is not my own. I want to be that perfect little girl my dad wants, and I try to fit into that suit, but it's not me. I'm not perfect. I'm not going to make millions of dollars like he dreams. I don't want to. Yes, money is wonderful, and I'd love to have millions, but it's not my goal in life. It's not a dream that I am going to try and live up to. If it happens, then I will celebrate it, but if it doesn't, then I haven't lost out on anything.

I don't want to be some super model. I don't plan on spending an hour in front of the mirror, trying to get my hair perfect. Heh, generally my hair is wild, and it's lucky if it gets ten mirror fronted minutes. But that's just me. It's who I am, who I am proud to be.

I don't want to forget me, I don't want to be something I am not. This diary, it helps me remember that. Remember that I am who I am, and I don't need to change that. I don't need to be labled, I don't need to be perfected, I just need to be.

Totorogirl wrote a wonderful entry on lables today. What she said was so true, on so many levels. Sometimes, I think lables are just implimented to make hate easier. It's easier to hate this person because he is black, and that person because she is a lesbian. It gets us off the hook of trying to find a real reason. It's easier to hate a lable than a person. And you know what, I am not above it. I regretabley admit that I do the same thing at times. I think everyone does. The point is, be aware of it, try not to do it. If you are going to judge someone, judge them on who they are, not what.

Speaking of judgement, I had a girl IM me the other day and asked me if I felt bad about disobeying God. Here is a piece of our conversation
Girl: And it doesn't bother you to know you are going to hell
Me: No, because I honestly believe that I am not
Girl: That's just because you are too afraid to admit it
Me: Have you ever stepped on a bug?
Girl: ?
Me: Just answer the question
Me: It's not really that difficult
Girl: Yeah
Me: Then, what part of 'Thou shalt not kill' don't you understand.
Girl: That's different
Me: It always is
Me: And, if I am not mistaken, God said that He loved us all. Would that then, not make Him bisexual?
Girl: That is so stupid
Me: And you passing judgement on me isn't?
After that, she kind of fizzled out and disappeared. A sad pity. It amazes me how some people can find themselves so perfect that they can judge. It all goes back to the whole lables thing. It makes it so much easier to hate when you just stick a lable on someone.

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