2001-08-02
10:28 p.m.

Every day, I have sat down, fingers poised over the keys to update. Nothing comes out though, or, it comes out in confusing, mindless jumbles. I had something else on my mind, that sounds like a good excuse to me.

Yesterday was my first official day of work..although, everyone seemed to know except me. I had been sick, throwing up both Monday, and Tuesday, so, I went in on Wednesday around lunch time, feeling a little better. I originally wasn't even going to go in, except Stella, the receptionist called, and mentioned how full they were, and I felt guilty. So, I walk in, get a load 'How are you! I didn't think you were coming in!' speaches. I then walked into a room, to help out Dr. Fuller, who told me he was glad that I could make it..being my first day. I kind of looked at him..tilted me head..and go "Today's my first day?" He kind of gave a funky smile..'yeah, no one told you..oops.' Yeah..right. Oh well, good think I don't officially have to be in until three, so no trouble there. I was later talking to Holly, and the other vet tech, who all informed me that they knew I started. I'm always the last to know.

The good thing is, is that since it's only Jody and I working the job, we get to make our own schedules. She and I get along really well, so I know it won't be a problem. Every one was teasing me about actually being a real, live employee..as apposed to a dead one I guess..

My mom and I had a long talk today. It made me feel better about a lot of things. I just feel like I have been disappointing her lately. I mean, yes, I KNOW she's my mom, and will always love and support me, but, she also has such high hopes for me. Today, I mentioned how upset with myself I was. Upset that I am not able to do such simple things, like going with her to a movie or something. I mean, on good days, nothing bothers me, but there are some days, were I relapse I guess. My mom turned to me and just shook her head, telling me that it wasn't my fault, and that I just had to give myself time. Then, I started telling her how afraid I was of college, and she told me that it was understandable, and she had the same fears as well, but all that mattered is that I got to do what I want. She said, that if I only became a vet tech, that she would still be just as proud. That as long as I was happy with who I was, that she would be beyond happy for me. I knew all this stuff before hand, but, it just felt good to hear her say it.

Stainedlips has once again surfaced to show me what a wonderful person she is. I told her she wasn't allowed to send me anything on my Amazon wish list. So, instead, she makes me a Melissa Ferrick CD. Remind me to beat her up for it later ;) hehe. I can't wait to get it, I really do love Melissa Ferrick's music, so I am really excited. So, thank you again Ann.

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