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2000-12-04 I debated on whether or not to put this entry up, considering that some people that read this diary, read her diary as well. If I explain the situation, some people may be able to figure out who this is. I finally decided, that this is my diary, and anyone who reads my diary, as well as hers, and procedes to judge either one of us, is not as noble as I thought. There are two sides to every story, and this is mine. About a year ago, this friend sent me a letter. When I opened the letter, it was basically a list of all the faults she saw in me. She claimed that I was materialistic, that I bragged about my friends, that I could have stopped my anxiet disorder, and was basically doing because she was, stuff like that. She had never mentioned any of the afformentioned stuff to me, and just suddenly blurted it out in the letter. I was really hurt by what she said, I mean, here was my best friend, telling me this stuff..it had to be true right? So I started on this letter, telling her how sorry I was, but the more I thought about it, I truely believe that she was wrong. I felt that maybe she was trying to push her unhappiness with life onto me. Regardless, I felt this friendship was important to me, and wrote her back telling her I would try to work on it, but that I would not change my personality. I told her that I still wanted the friendship. We e-mailed each other back and forth, not really getting anywhere. Talking over a computer is fine, but when it's a serious discussion like a friendship, I think in person or on the phone would be better. I invited her to an X-files party I had, I called her on the phone, and I invited her on the vacation that she always had gone on with my family. Everything was declined. In one of the letter, I told her I felt that I was making all the effort, and did she really care about the friendship. About that time, I happened to find her diary, and in it, she had said everything I wrote in that letter was crap. That hurt a lot. The fact that I was working so hard to salvage a friendship, when she was throwing it away so easily. I admit that I'm not there to see what she is going through, she may be having as much trouble with this whole thing as I am, but like I said, I only know my side of the story. Even now I'd probably be willing to work it out with her, but it takes two to make a friendship. Sometimes I have to wonder though, is it the girl that I used to know that I really want to be friends with? Am I so focused on the good memories I have of her, that I have lost track of who she is now? Questions that will probably never be answered. If you do know who this person is, please don't pass a judgement on either one of us..chances are you don't know us in real life, and you don't know the entire story. "I will remember you <-//->
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