2000-11-15
00:18:12

Art has always been a release for me. Preforming arts, drawing, painting, writing, music, you name it, I've done it. Lately though, I'll pull out a sheet of paper, my pencil poised over it, ready to do damage, and nothing happens. I am forever staring at the blank piece of paper. I don't know why I am bringing this up here, but it is just something I need to get out of my system. When I would write or draw or whatever, I would become lost inside myself for hours. I learned more about myself in that time period than I ever though possible. I could pour all my feelings out onto the paper, or the stage. I miss going to that place, and I often wonder where it went. Maybe I'm lacking motivation, or and idea, but whatever it is, I want that place back.

Sometimes I think that I put other people's feeling in front of my own a little too much. I worry so much about whether or not I am going to hurt someone, that I often end up hurting myself more. When a "friend" of mine said some very hurtful things to me, I simply replied in a nice fassion, so worried about hurting them, when they hadn't really paid me the same respect. I agonized over ever word that I would say, and it ended up just hurting me worse. I bottled up every emotion I was feeling, which I know is something that I need to work on. I don't really want to say too much more, cause that person has a diary here, that I know some of you read, and I don't want to say something that will give her identity away. It would just cause a lot of hassle that would be better avoided, and hey, there are two sides to every story right.

I did have a few people that I wanted to link to, but I'm feeling lazy, so I guess I'll do that tomorrow. I've just been sick lately. I think it's sinus drainage or something, but I'll feel good for a second, and then the next thing you know, I'm clutching a trashcan.

I finally saw Toy Story 2, which I think was a really cute movie. Yes, I watch Disney movies by my own choice, so sue me :) It really was a sweet movie, and I of course loved the part where Sarah Mclachlan's "When somebody loved me" is playing. They even had little bloopers at the end..it was pretty funny.

I also saw the Left Behind movie, which was great movie. I personally think the books are better, but that can be said about most movies. The movie really makes you think, and I suggest seeing it.

And, while I am on my movie watching rampage, I was watching the Blaire Witch Project last night. That movie really disturbs me. They play this whole thing off to be real, and if it were real, what a sick country I would be living in. When people thought it was real, they were paying six bucks to go watch these kids basically disappear and die infront of their eyes. I finally had to turn the channel because it just seemed to real and it disturbed me. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with horror or blood and guts, I have seen basically ever horror movie in the local blockbusters, but the fact that they tried to make it real is what bothered me. Enough of that rant.

Good night everyone

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